Meet Nate
by CASA advocate Parker McMillan
I met Nate in January of 2005. He had just turned 12 and had been in foster care for eight months. He was taken into care along with three of his brothers and his little sister due to physical abuse by his mother’s boyfriend.
When I met him, he was living in a very stable foster home with two of his brothers and his sister. He had every reason to believe that this would be his forever family but 13 months later his foster mother decided not to adopt and asked that Nate and his siblings be removed from her home. To say that this was a painful event would be a gross understatement. It was devastating.
It took five months before Nate was placed in another foster home. He might have been placed earlier but he wanted to remain with at least one sibling, and ended up in a home with his younger brother Lenny. More than any of his siblings, Nate places an extremely high value on family. He was and remains the closest to his mother and defends her, regardless of the circumstances.
The role of the advocate is to work for what is in the child’s best interests even if it is at odds with what the children or child wants. After Nate had been in care for over two years, my attorney supervisor, Mary Beth, and I were fighting hard to get the judge to terminate Nate’s mother’s parental rights to give him a chance to be adopted. I will never forget the day I had to tell Nate of my recommendation. I was so flustered on my way to talk to him that I had to pull over in my car and call Mary Beth to help me find the right words to use. It was very hard to do but I think he understood my position and in the end, he thanked me for being so honest with him. Termination of his mother’s parental rights was denied.
Nate was growing up fast. After almost two years living with his younger brother in a foster home, Nate made a very hard decision. Realizing that this would never be a forever home, he asked to be moved to a residential facility. Just a few months later, a foster family was found and Nate moved again.
Shortly thereafter, a second attempt to terminate his mother’s rights was going to be made and Nate made another very bold, very mature decision. He called his mother and asked her to let him go. He told her he loved her but knew that she couldn’t care for him. He told her he had found a family who wanted him and he asked for her blessing. Wow, what a kid!
Here’s an idea of what Nate’s life has been like for the past five years:
9 – the number of times he has been moved from one place to another
8 – the number of schools he has attended
5 – the number of Children’s Division case managers he has had
6 – the number of therapists he has seen
Throughout all of this, I have been there with Nate. Without question, this is the most important part of what we do as advocates. I can’t count the number of times I attended a meeting with teachers, therapists, case managers, doctors, and countless others who came into Nate’s life without knowing much of anything about him.
One of the most difficult things kids who are in foster care face is having no control over what happens to them. Not having a mother or father is bad enough but having adults who barely know you make decisions about where you live and what you do is extremely hard.
Nate was adopted on April 30, 2009! It was a wonderful day. I don’t know if this outcome would have been different without a Voices advocate but I do know that having someone he knows and trusts has made all the difference for him.
Nate is doing really great. He will turn 17 next month and has already bought a car with money he has earned working at McDonald’s. He is enrolled in a vocational training program at his high school and is learning auto mechanics. His goal is to own not one but two auto repair shops after he graduates from college.
When a case closes, like Nate’s adoption, the official relationship between the advocate and child ends and contact only continues if the child initiates it. A couple of months after Nate’s adoption, he called me and told me he thought he needed an “attitude adjustment” and wanted to meet. I took him out for lunch and we talked it through. When I dropped him off, we decided that we would continue to see each other and he thanked me for sticking with him.
As an advocate I can tell you that every case is unique, there is no roadmap to follow and sometimes it is very hard work. What makes it worthwhile is knowing that you are making a very real difference in children's lives when they need it the most.
And, as an added bonus, you get to know some terrific kids who help you grow as a person.
